I have learned to try not to take myself so seriously. I got a good lesson in that when the five year old son of a friend of mine asked me why I have skin eyebrows. I got eyebrows tattooed about a year ago when it was obvious they were never growing back and I was tired of looking like an alien. When Jack asked me about the skin eyebrows I was amazed that I laughed and was not self conscious. I get to practice the wonderful Serenity Prayer every day. Accepting the things I can not change. Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Skin eyebrows.
For as he thinketh in his heart , so is he…(Proverbs 23:7).
I want to thank each and every person who has held me in their hearts while I been going through the uncertainty of the cancer scans. I met with the greatest doctor ever yesterday to go over the results. The body scans were really good. Tumors either shrinking or stable.
The brain scan wasn’t so clear. A larger tumor shrank and smaller ones grew. I am going to get another scan in 8 weeks to see where things stand. This will be a very important scan.
I am now claiming healing by the Great Physician. I am claiming that I have a chronic illness that is being treated. For as I thinkest so I am.
I go tomorrow for my brain MRI to assess how the new chemo is working on the cancer in my brain. This is a very nervous time for me. It has it’s own name…scanaxiety. There is no wiggle room on the report which is in black and white. It will tell me if it is progressing or remains stable or even better if it is shrinking, I am asking for your good wishes, thoughts and prayers during this scary time.
Keith needs his prayer family today in earnest. I can’t imagine a world where Keith Tonkel isn’t in it. He and his heart felt messages have lifted me up. Saved me from despair and gladdened my heart. He is a true messenger of faith, hope and love. Prayers unceasing for this wonderful man.
I have started a daily prayer process that is working for me. It came from a book by Matthew Kelly entitled “Resisting Happiness”.
The process is so simple.
Begin with gratitude. Thank God in a personal dialogue for whatever you are most grateful for.
Next comes awareness where you look back over the past 24 hours to see where you weren’t the best version of yourself. Look for significant moments and explore what God might be trying to tell you.
Peace – ask God for forgiveness for any wrong you have committed against another person or yourself and to fill you with deep abiding peace.
Freedom – speak with God about how you are being invited to change your life. How you can become the best version of yourself.
Others – lift up anyone you feel called to pray for today asking God to bless and guide them.
Then pray the Our Father.
A great and optimistic way to start the day. Amen.
The one goal that I have managed to accomplish for the whole month of January was to make my bed every morning. The other goals like walking Zoe every morning and spending 15 minutes in quiet prayer time have already fallen by the way side. I do feel being aware of frailties and where I fall short is important reminders of living in the present and that as a member of the human race I will never achieve perfection or even close to perfection. I am off to make my bed and I will walk Zoe this morning. It is all progress not perfection.
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us” Anne Lamott
The illness I have has made every day dear. I try to remember that any time spent on fear, gossip, or worry is time stolen from this big beautiful life. It is a constant struggle not to fall back into the familiar ways of doing things. The “one day I will do that or do better or say that thing on my heart.”
Grace doesn’t leave us where it finds us. I am convinced of that.
Today I am going to the funeral of a kind, smart, compassionate man whom I didn’t know well but who always took the time to say hello and ask how I was doing. Johny Bower you were and are loved and will be missed by friends and family and anyone who had any contact with you. Such a loss.
Life can be unpredictable, hard, sweet, fulfilling. I am on borrowed time in many ways. I say I accept that reality but do I truly accept it?
I will live fully today. That’s the best I can do today.
It has been a tough year. Many of my friends have died of metastatic breast cancer. The future is uncertain for everyone. This year has been a great teacher. Reminders every day that the future is not promised. Each day, each hour is not to be squandered. I am trying to be present for my life. It is something I have to consciously focus on. Prayer helps. May 2017 be a wonderful year.
I found out Thursday that the current chemo drugs had quit working. The nice way to put it is that there has been progression. Going to start a new IV chemotherapy regime this Thursday. The news was disappointing and I did ruminate about it for the rest of the day. But can’t ruin the now. Moving forward again.