Big tumor

I met with my radiologist on Tuesday and she showed me the x-ray of the original brain scan.  She said that it was a big tumor but it was shrinking.  I think I am glad that no one had mentioned until now that it was a “big” tumor.  She also told me that she has used my case to give other people hope because all the treatments had been so effective.  Here’s to hope and to the big tumor getting smaller.  Life is short.  Live it to the fullest.

It’s the journey not the fight.

A friend recently reminded me that it is about living the journey not living the fight.  Many people think that cancer patients are battling cancer.  I have not been battling cancer but I have been doing all I can to make cancer know it’s not welcome.

I am home with post chemo fatigue and some bone pain.  All a part of the process.  Cancer you aren’t welcome.  There is much I still want to do.

Kindness of strangers

Yesterday I witnessed the kindness of a stranger who stopped in the middle of Old Canton Road to save a tiny orange kitten.  There are many kind people in the world and I want to acknowledge them.  Unkind people are hurting and unhappy.  It is up to me to help spread kindness.  One day at a time.

What matters most?

What matters most is how we treat the person who needs us the most in any given moment not whether or not we get a task done…(from Daily Reflection).

This really caught me up short.  I so often don’t truly listen, am not present in the moment, am thinking about myself first and foremost.

I pray that I can be there for whomever needs me today.  That I am open and present.  Love and caring is supposed to be shared.

Brave Heart

I had the most wonderful time in Chicago.  I saw Hamilton which was on my “got to do list”.  It was everything people said about it.  Fantastic.

Sunday morning I woke up in the hotel room with extreme vertigo and nausea.  This is where the brave heart comes in.  I was filled with fear about getting out of hotel room, in the taxi for the ride to O’Hare , checking  in at airport and then on the airplane for the ride back home.

At first I thought there is no way I can do this.  I was overwhelmed with anxiety.  But because of the kindness of Anita, the staff at the hotel, the car driver and people at the airport I was able to make it on the airplane.  I had the blessing of having one of my best friends on the same flight.  At one point I seriously thought I am ready to die.  Right now.

Lessons learned.  How to ask for help.  People are kind and good.  Home is where the comfort is.  I missed my dog.  I need a brave heart.

Embracing health – mental and physical

I woke up this morning and the thought that all I can do is go forward.  No more thinking about the past and what was and was not.  I have been living in the past and how I arrived where I am today.  I believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  Every day counts.  It is up to me to be a full partner in my life.  A full partner – not an observer.

Snuggle puppy love.

I am so blessed by the love of a sweet dog that was found walking down the middle of the Natchez Trace.  A sweet dog lover brought her to me and the blessings began.  She is always by my side and wants nothing more than a snuggle.  She is more than happy to stay with me when I don’t feel well enough to get out of bed.  She is there for me when I feel anxious and scared.  I learn peace, acceptance and joy from her each and every day.  I see God in dog.  Thank you God for this beautiful blessing.

Skin eyebrows…

I have learned to try not to take myself so seriously.  I got a good lesson in that when the five year old son of a friend of mine asked me why I have skin eyebrows.  I got eyebrows tattooed about a year ago when it was obvious they were never growing back and I was tired of looking like an alien.  When Jack asked me about the skin eyebrows I was amazed that I laughed and was not self conscious.  I get to practice  the wonderful Serenity Prayer every day.  Accepting the things I can not change.  Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  Skin eyebrows.

I can overcome this difficulty.

For as he thinketh in his heart , so is he…(Proverbs 23:7).

I want to thank each and every person who has held me in their hearts while I been going through the uncertainty of the cancer scans.  I met with the greatest doctor ever yesterday to go over the results.  The body scans were really good.  Tumors either shrinking or stable.

The brain scan wasn’t so clear.  A larger tumor shrank and smaller ones grew.  I am going to get another scan in 8 weeks to see where things stand.  This will be a very important scan.

I am now claiming healing by the Great Physician.  I am claiming that I have a chronic illness that is being treated.  For as I thinkest so I am.

A day of reckoning

I go tomorrow for my brain MRI to assess how the new chemo is working on the cancer in my brain.  This is a very nervous time for me.  It has it’s own name…scanaxiety.  There is no wiggle room on the report which is in black and white.  It will tell me if it is progressing or remains stable or even better if it is shrinking,  I am asking for your good wishes, thoughts and prayers during this scary time.